No friendly tie

The traditional VTB United League Friends of Basketball Game is an excellent opportunity for our basketball consciousness to meet with objective reality. You wouldn't believe how high we jump in our fantasies. We've imagined hitting the game-winning three over a forest of hands countless times. Though self-aware for the most part, we seriously believe that if not for becoming journalists, we could have been a solid bench player and, with some effort, starters on most teams in the league.

A change in the Friends of Basketball format this year should have ended our pipe dream for good. Russian basketball's journalist fraternity had to go up against against people who have competed at the highest level, not just in their fantasies.

Khimki general Pavel Astakhov may have added a few pounds since retirement, but only because of his front office genius and his respected position. He still has everything else, including a soft touch. I hope Khimki stays healthy, but if they suffer another rash of injuries, I know who could exchange his suit jacket for a jersey.

Lanky, friendly Jiri Zidek won the Euroleague and played in the NBA...I don't think I need to say more.

I wouldn't recommend making Tomas Pacesas mad. Even when he turns 70, he'll be able to school anyone on the court.

Oleg Fokin is a representative of the Avtodor school. For those who missed the legendary showdowns between Saratov and Moscow in the late 1990s, this season provided an opportunity to witness just how competitive the Black-Whites can be.

VTB United League president Sergey Kuschenko gave the team a dangerous shooter and someone who understood the penalties for missing a free throw after his time in the biathlon.

Deputy general director Alexander Fedotov was brimming with confidence, accepting any and all bets that his team would win and that he would score a lot of points in the game. Three baskets during practice made him even more absurdly confident.

The journalists rallied around the motto "Lunch Time!" and looked to execute Sergei Tarakanov's instructions on the court. Tarakanov biggest request was to not give up any easy baskets.

Thrilled to be in the starting lineup, I immediately forgot our defensive strategy: whether we wanted to allow perimeter shots or force the ball inside. All I did was hack the opposition, both on the perimeter and under the basket, including on the offensive end.

All that saved me from fouling out in the first minute was the liberalism of the officiating crew headed up by Mikhail Davydov (the legendary referee was one of the stars of the event).

Thankfully, my teammates did a much better job listening to our coach and didn't make any stupid mistakes. In previous years, a lot of players were more invested in competing for the MVP than taking care of business, but this time the opponent's intimidation factor was so high that we were extremely focused and disciplined. The league got big baskets from Astakhov on the perimeter and Pacesas and Fokin inside, but they didn't rush to deliver the knockout blow. To Tarakanov's shock, the journalists kept within striking distance and even took the lead occasionally thanks to baskets from Nikita Zagday and Anton Zimin.

These types of games often end in a friendly tie, but with the score tied and 20 seconds left on the clock, no one thought for a second about calling things off and exchanging congratulations (after the game Pacesas had second thoughts: "Why didn't we think to hold the ball until the end and take a tie?") The league tried to win it, but they lost the ball and Zagday sprinted down the court in two seconds, beating the clock by a split second with a layup.

Of course, we got incredibly lucky. It's terrifying to imagine how badly the journalists would lose to such a star-studded squad coached by Ilona Korstin if they chose to take revenge. But we won't turn down a rematch. We are ready anytime, anywhere! It's always a pleasure to play alongside stars, who inspire you to work for the glory of the greatest sport on Earth.